Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier, and welcome back to another Impossible Let’s Play. It’s been awhile but this one I like to call The Human Piñata. As you can see, I’m dangling in my favourite BDSM chair. And I just want to play a game while trying to…uh *grunts* Alright here’s the deal. I am gonna be hanging in this harness like a piñata. I have a wonderful birthday boy, I have a wonderful birthday boy whose birthday was not recently, it was January 25th, BUT, it’s recent enough Whose birthday was not recently, it was January 25th, BUT, it’s recent enough Tyler, get over here. Tyler, get over here. Tyler: Hi!
Mark: Hi. It’s not your birthday, but your birthday was in January, so… It’s not your birthday, but your birthday was in January, It’s a late birthday present Late birthday present You get to beat the shit out of me. How’s that feel? Tyler: I- I don’t know exactly how I feel about it?
Mark: Uh-huh. Tyler: I’m hitting you, and you’re my friend, but at the same time… Tyler: I’m hitting you, and you’re my friend, but at the same time… Tyler: I’m excited.
Mark: It’s always a little- It’s always a little cathartic. Tyler: [laughing] Yeah.
Mark: You’ve got this internal, like, I don’t know why I like it, but I like it! That’s what I think to myself every time I get in this rig! Alright, now, it wouldn’t be a piñata without candy, so I’ve got bags of candy… [assorted grunting] [laughing] Tyler, can you give me a hand here? Thank you. I’ve got bags of candy. Happy Easter, by the way, I think. And I’m going to stuff these in my… Tyler: [giggling] In… [Mark grunts] In my… hang on. This is a little compromising. I’m gonna stuff these in my shirt. Tyler, you wanna help stuff me? Tyler: Sure? [both laughing] Well, that’s the kind of friend I always wanted. Get yourself a friend that can stuff you whenever they want. Tyler: Here, we gotta get some in the backside too. Oh, yeah. Of course. Tyler: When you’re dangling we’ll put some in. . .[starts giggling] Mark: [laughing] Oh, fuck. All right, [grunts] I’m dangling. You know my… [laughing] [Mark struggles to put candy in his sleeve while making crying noises.] [Tyler laughs] [Mark groaning] Mark: imma stuff it right here. [candy falls and both of them begin to laugh again.] I made a- i made an accident. [Tyler laughs hysterically.] Tyler: There’s so much already on the floor. It”s fine, don’t worry about it. Quickly in the- in the gap. Quickly Tyler, shove it inside me! [laughs] Tyler: Something I’d never thought I’d hear from you. Aw, come on man. Alright, so next stop on the chopping block, is the game, wouldn’t be an Impossible Let’s Play without a game. Could I have the IPad please? So here’s how the challenge works, I’m gonna be trying to play this game. Tyler can hit me once every five seconds. He can also bank his hits and hit me whenever he wants. So long as it’s one every five seconds. And if I die, he gets to hit me as many times as he wants in five seconds. [Tyler cackles] Tyler: I like how you keep looking at me every time you said “five seconds”. Mark: It’s just like… Well, it’s just… I suddenly realize how dumb this idea is. Mark: but it’s all good. Alright, you ready? Tyler:Yeah.
Mark: oh jeez.
Tyler: You’re gonna have to move that. [laughs] oh, I’m sorry. Three, two, one, boop. Alright, I’m doing fine. [nervous laugh] I don’t like this. I feel so helpless all the sudden. I’m fine, I’m fine, I’m fine. Why–[Tyler hits Mark and he yells] [laughs] God [plastic bat noise] Oh God It doesn’t hurt, it’s just startling. I’m fine… [Mark continues to laugh] [Mark flinches and screams] [Mark laughs harder] Oh God I’m not even spilling any cand- Oh, there we go Alright, let’s try that again. Tyler: I guess I’ll just have to hit harder then.
Mark: Apparently I guess. Alright. OOF [laughs] [Dies] Oh, shit. [laughs] Why only my stomach? Why is it only my belly? [Inaudible nonsense] You can hit anywhere on… [Mark turns into a deflating balloon.] [various grunts and giggles] I’m doing great, by the way. Oh, my butt! [hit again] AHHHHA! I feel abused. [hit] Can you believe I asked for this? I don’t know what that is. I gotta keep this away from my- [groans] [again with the various giggles and grunts] I’m fine but I- STOP!!! That was definite- uh oh. [Mark dies. He laughs.] That was de- ahhh! That’s not fair, that was over the clock. Mark:[murmured] I’m gonna do it like this: block my under belly. You can’t hit my belly, if it’s down.
Tyler: Right in the face.
Mark: I’ll take it. [Mark randomly starts screaming and screams for awhile.] Tyler: That’s a satisfying sound. Mark: My arm candy. WHAT?! I wasn’t even-! That’s not fair I’m not even playing! Mark: That’s not the rules.
Tyler: I can’t see the game from back here. I’m not playing the game! 3, 2, 1. I got a respite from Tyler, he’s not here. Ow my butt! Oh my abs! Tyler: Oo nice, candy.
Mark: Oo candy. Why don’t you just take a break and- Ow, no, I died [mark yells random nonsense] OWWWWMYASSSS Alright, I’m doing something drastic. Okay, alright. I risk exposure of my… nether regions, but I think this is the tactic I need. [Random noises.] I died. [screams] [whining] This is a dumb idea. This is the stupidest idea I’ve ever had Tyler: This is a good Starburst. I can’t eat them, I’m doing the Keto thing. [laughs] I can’t- That’s the worst tragedy, I can’t even have this candy! Ugh, alright I’m gonna try- I’m gonna try the forward lean… starting [Tyler lifted himself up to see and Mark turned to look at him chewing] Mark: Hi, Tyler.
Mark: You having fun? Mark: I don’t know if it’s from here…
Tyler: I’ve got one like twenty saved up now too. Mark: NO! You can’t bank up when I’m not playing! Although I am playing now but that’s not how- [Mark panics] Oooowwwww….AHAHAHA… [shouting and whining.] That was too many! You didn’t bank ’em up. That was against the rules. I-I [sighs] You’re going in this harness next, mister… ow. You’re gonna get it once I get out of here. Once I grow up and I’m out of here, you’re dead meat. Ow, my dead meat. Tyler: OOO lot’s of candy. Mark: NOOOO… I was holding on to that. Oh no. Tyler: Are you gonna have some after your diet? Shouldn’t I have, like some reward, you know, for good performance? Tyler: You made the rules not me.
Mark: I don’t know man. Mark: I just- I come up with these- Tyler: I’m just trying to figure out how to get the candy out of your small chest pocket. You can’t get it out of my bulge. You’ll never- [laughs] you’ll never get it out of my bulge. [laughs again] You’ll never get it out of my bulge. AHHH, my bulge My bulge! Tyler: In your mouth. I don’t want it, I’m on Keto! I’m making it… NOOOOOOO! Tyler: There’s like a whole bunch right here. [laughs] Mark: Nooooo [Tyler laughs] [Random markimoo noises] [Random noises continue] Tyler: 2
Mark: I don’t like that count down. NO! Tyler: 3 [both laugh] I can’t end on that one. I can’t end on that! Oh I got a penguin, that’s nice. Oh, bullshit it’s never useful–[screams] [Makicrier has returned] I regret everything I’ve ever done in my life. I regret. You’ll never get my goiter candy. You’re never gonna get my thyroid candy. [laughs] Tyler: Your giant neck mint? It’s mine forever. Not now, not now, I’m doing so good- NOOOO! [Various grunts.] [Panting] I’m broken. I’m a broken man. [tiny gasp] no, don’t do it. No. Please. [laughs] Tyler: There’s little pouch. You’re never gonna get it. It’s mine forever. I AM THE MASTER OF THE CANDY! YOU SUCK DICK! I’M GONNA GET YOU WHEN I GET DOWN. Tyler: you have a guzzard. [laughs] YOU DON’T MAKE FUN OF MY GUZZARD! ONLY I MAKE FUN OF MY GUZZARD! Ugh, alright, that’s all for this Impossible Let’s Play. Thank you everybody so much for watching. If you want to see other Impossible Let’s Plays like this, let me know down in the comments below. If you have ideas for this, let me know as well. Thank you, Tyler for… actually, thank you for NOTHING at all. [laughs] But you can check out Tyler on Twitch, Apocalypto_12, and on Twitter, same name. Thank you everybody so much, and as always, I will see you in the next video BUH-BYE [whack] oof! [laughs as candy falls out of Mark’s shirt.] I’m gonna be picking candy out of myself for weeks. Tyler: You have any shoved in your belly button?
Mark: Oh you know it, baby. You know it, I always got a secret stash in my belly button. [screams, chuckles and coughs in that order.] [candy dropping and Mark’s harness jingling] GET IT OUT OF ME! GET IT OUT!! Tyler: The way it trickled out the back. It looked like you were pooping candy.
Mark: I’m gonna be pooping candy. Tyler: There’s one stuck right there. [laughs] Tyler: and there’s another one right here. [laugh] Tyler: Where’d that one come from? Dude, I don’t even know anymore. [laughs] There’s so much candy inside me. Wait, hang on. [laughs] Alright… see ya.